Sunday, August 14, 2016

October 28, 2015:

Today started out pretty rough. It’s becoming increasingly apparent to me that I need sleep to function properly. All of these nights, falling asleep at 3-4 in the morning won’t do. For the most part, I go to bed anywhere between 10PM and midnight. I just can’t fall asleep. Anyways, I went to Value Village and bought a few pairs of pants, taking a chance that my belt size would be 36 now. The last time I bought pants, nothing under a 38 would fit. For the most part, though, 40 fit me best. I can comfortably say that I could probably, after trying on these few pants, fit into a 34 now. Working out and dieting pays off. That fast paid off. Even though I wasn’t really interested in the physical benefits of it alone. It’s important as well. I found myself feeling really overwhelmed today when I was heading to the store. It was difficult and took me a couple of attempts but after I started to smile, I started to feel better. After I was intentionally friendly to the woman at the cash, my day started to cheer up. I left the pain and overwhelming feelings in the hands of Christ and moved on with my day. I can still feel the body tremors working through me as I am trying to regain myself. Last night, I had a hopeful and loving dream. It was myself, with a woman. We were just in the presence of each other and loving each other. It was uncannily wonderful. I had another dream after this. This one was that I was drowning and right in the last second, I was saved. It’s clear that I had this dream because I am feeling overwhelmed. Tonight, I will go to church. I will go to church again this weekend. I received an email from one of the leaders of my church today, telling me he’s praying for my prayer request. I had written a prayer request last week asking for forgiveness, and that those who I have hurt in my life would find forgiveness and healing. I am thankful for my life today. I am thankful that I have the right to choose to do things for myself. I am thankful that I am beginning again to realize that I am worthy and deserving of love and happiness. I am thankful that I have the choice to step out and do things that I am afraid of but which can possibly change my life for the better. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that my foot is loosening up. Lol. It’s difficult and hurts a lot to walk right now. But it will pay off!

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