February 18, 2015:

I am so alone today. It feels as though everyone is against me. I am very proud of myself for getting out in public in spite of how I feel. I acknowledge the bravery and the determination it is taking me to be committing myself to my recovery. Today I will thank God for the opportunity to be alive and have the chance to change my outlook. I will praise Him in this storm. Today I am thankful for God’s love and his amazing grace, which forgives incredible offenses. He forgives not at all because we deserve it but because He is such a great God. I am thankful for the ability to say no. I am thankful for my will to live and for Jesus’ ability to heal. I have faith in His ability to heal. And I do feel as though I am getting better. But I am holding out for April when I will really feel better because that’s when I will be done this support group and feel better about who I am. I’ve been through a lot. Even more than what I have written down. Even worse than what I have written down. But there is no sense in dwelling on the negative. I went out for coffee with Michelle at the end of last week. I brought her a flower and she was really sweet. It was nice to see her. I am thankful for choice more than anything else. I have a choice in my life. And I choose light. I just wish people could see how hard this really is for me. How hard it would be for anyone. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.