September 3, 2015:

A couple of days ago, I was tempted to look at something on YouTube in lust. I resisted and stopped myself. I haven’t looked at porn in many months. I just realized that my parental control software hasn’t been password protected for about two or three months. I wasn’t even tempted to search for anything until today. Which temptation, I resisted. It’s possible to live apart from this sin. Physical tension in muscles is a response to anxiety and prolonged stress. I also experienced the three months+ of atrophy in all of my muscles. http://www.kieranmacphail.com/stress-and-muscle-tone/ The main reason I know the muscle tone in my body is not a result of the brain injury is because I had experienced it prior to the injury. You’re not animals. You are made in the image of God. However you choose to interpret that, I want you to take from it that you are beautiful. You are spiritual. You are precious gifts. You are all cherished in the eyes of God. We are not animals. Is a lion evil because it rips a gazelle to shreds? The difference is we have a choice. I am committing to being in the Word every day. The first time I really immersed myself in the Word of God was when I was in university, especially after my baptism, following which I received the baptism of fire. During this time, I spent at least four hours a day reading the Bible. I would read it on the bus to school, between classes. Anyways, as I grew, every time I started to read the Bible, I would feel like anything less than this commitment would not be beneficial. I thought I had to read at least a Book a day. I did this in the time I spent at the monastery. I honestly think I read the entire New Testament in the five days I spent there. I had to stop and reassess what I was doing. Recently, over the past ten days, I have committed to reading three chapters of God’s Word a day and studying it, memorizing it. To allow it to permeate my heart. God’s Word is food for our spirits. I was exhausted today. Felt literally like I had been hit by a train. Mentally and physically. Emotionally though, my spirits were high. In spite of feeling this way, I decided to go to the gym. I lifted hard today. Perhaps too hard. I upped a weight class in mostly everything I concentrate on. For chest press, I pushed 145 8x. For triceps extension, I did 45lbs overhead. A bit too much but I learn from it. Biceps, I lifted 35lbs 8x and descended from there. After the gym, I went home for a bit where I ate a bowl of fruit. By the way, my veggie and fruit diet is going very well. I have lost about five pounds. I attribute this to mostly water weight. But it feels good. However, I feel my sleep is being disturbed by the diet a little. No worries. I will get used to it! It was a good night. I decided not to go to my church’s prayer night tonight. I felt like I needed some alone time with the Lord. This was inspired by the fact that I was having such a hard time physically and mentally. But in the end, on the bus ride there I decided to spend the evening in the Word and in prayer and to reflect in solitude. Though, I regret not going to the prayer night, for there is power in prayer, my instincts are showing me that this is what I should do now.